It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
