Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
