Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
