i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
