i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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