Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my shit smells like andre
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
