Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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