Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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