he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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