I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
