Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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