It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
