I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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