I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
