it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
