idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize