so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
50% drunk capacity currently
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
