Can i not drive my cunt home
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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