she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize