Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
