Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
