It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
