this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
