bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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