Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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