Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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