Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Randomize