I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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