Plan B is the new Plan A
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
