You made me cry and you don't even care
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
