We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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