i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Randomize
