Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
