last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
