i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
