There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
