He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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