I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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