i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
