yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
