Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
