Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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