You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
