I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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