I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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