ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she pinky promised me she was 18
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
