i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
