i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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