4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
