You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
