I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
