dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think my moral compass just broke
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
