i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
