im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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