I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
