I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
