Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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