I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
