Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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