i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
