five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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